Some Simple Truth . . . about Atkins.

Before having the Lap-Band surgery, patients (at least at my Dr.'s office) are required to be on a restricted carb diet in the weeks right before the surgery. My doc explained that the Atkins diet shrinks ones liver, thus making it easier for her to then shove my poor, shrunken, sickly, liver out of her way during surgery. By all means doc, let me suffer in the weeks preceding my surgery & recovery, so it's easier for you to make that $15,000. *Sigh* Don't get me wrong, I get it okay, and I know I should just shut up about it, but some simple truth about a low-carb diet is . . . are you ready? IT SUCKS . . . HARD. Especially for an obese person.

• Some Simple Truth

I used to smoke cigs, a lot. I started right out of high school, went all through college, and only quit last year. Some simple truth? Smoking was awesome. Sorry, I know it's very un-PC to state such a thing, but it was AWESOME. It made a young girl feel sophisticated and older, it made a college girl have an instant circle of smoke-loving friends, it made a career girl able to take lots of breaks. But then the day came that the coughing was worse and I was strangely beginning to lose my voice. I knew then that my days classified in society as a "smoker" were numbered. So, I quit. I was cranky, irritable, had massive headaches, and was constantly 'jonesing' for one, glorious drag. Why am I sharing this tidbit? Because, by DAY 2 of the Atkins torture, I was cranky, irritable, had massive headaches, and was constantly 'jonesing' for one, glorious cupcake. I realized something I had long suspected, but had never really understood. I am addicted to sugar. "Hi, my name is ____ and I'm addicted to baked goods of any kind."

• Some Simple Truth

Eating meat with every meal for weeks on end is practically vomit-inducing. Don't misunderstand, I enjoy meat of every kind. Give me some Filet Mignon, smothered pork chops, juicy kabobs, chicken stuffed with anything . . . or my personal favorite, duck . . . and you've found a way to this fat girls heart. This is not like that. I'm a fairly gifted cook, but I am not the chef at a five-star establishment. My meat dishes are something more likely to be served in a bad cafeteria line. So choking down my sad, little, dishes and the greasy, store-bought, packaged meat, is just not doing it for me. It honestly makes me feel sick after every single meal. Top that with next-to-no available side dishes, and you've got a dangerously unhappy fat girl. (Note: I am known in certain circles for saying that you had best not come between me and my food . . . or I will cut you. Just a friendly warning, eh?) So needless to say, now I'm actually less afraid of the surgery than I am about making it through the days of slow, charbroiled, grilled, mildly-seasoned, torture.

• Some Simple Truth

There is something more important to me than the inconvenience of eating meat non-stop for a few weeks, and that is my Quest. See, some simple truth is that my obese condition makes me afraid to do a lot of things, things I believe I would have the courage to tackle if I wasn't so preoccupied with my outwardly image. Therefore, this surgery has become the first step on my Quest. It will help in my weight-loss pursuit, but the rest will be up to me. Which means I will have to stay off of the sugar bandwagon, just like I have with my cigs, and I will have to find a way to incorporate more protein-packed meat into my daily meals . . . or I will fail in my Quest. So it may SUCK . . . HARD, but I'm ready to live my life again and quit wishing it would start.

Some Simple Truth . . . about me.

Why call it 'Some Simple Truth'? Well, I suppose because that will be my intention. I won't tell you who I am, or hurt others by using real names, but I will tell you just about everything else. The good, bad, and ugly. Through this I hope to learn about myself and I hope to chronicle the massive changes I am planning on making in my life. I'm tired of waiting for my life to start, and I'm tired of feeling like it may never happen. Though, I'm not sure I have what it takes to complete such a Quest. Change scares me, that's a simple truth.
I also hope that this will become interactive. I hope people will leave comments for me to discuss, but mostly I hope for questions. Ask me anything, ask me the questions you're afraid to ask the women in your life. I'll answer honestly, even if you don't like the answer.

• Some Simple Truth

I'm a single female living in a large, urban, city. I'm in my late 20's and dreading the big 3-0. I know that sounds silly and I know to call 30 'old' is a sign of my naivete, but I am dreading it., but not for the reasons you might think. I don't fear 30 because I feel that 30 is old, I feel that it's a milestone in people's minds, a milestone that I have nothing to show for. I feel like my years have been one gaping hole after another, not necessarily unhappy, just uneventful.
I finished high school, check. I graduated from college, check. I made friends, check. I had boyfriends, check. I joined clubs, check. I got a job, check. I got a dog, check.
So why do I still feel so empty? Is it an inability in me to be satisfied? Is it because I had a plan, but now I don't? Or is it because I let relationships crumble, let friends slip away, got hurt by some of those people and put up walls I can't seem to tear down? Maybe because I don't even use the degree I earned in college and I feel like I'm drifting through my career path?
I honestly don't know, but I do know that I don't want to turn 30 and still feel this way.

• Some Simple Truth

I'm fat. Not the kind of fat you can lose with a week or two at the gym, and not the kind of fat your girlfriend complains about as you roll your eyes thinking, "What fat? Is she insane or just fishing for a compliment?" Really fat. I don't even know why I use that word, 'fat'. It seems so cruel and demeaning, and I'd be mortified if someone said it to my face, but it is the truth. But let me stop you before you start posting diet ideas for me, I've tried them all, honestly I have. I have tried them all, and honestly, they all worked. Yeah, I said it. They worked. Every single one. I never tried a diet and I mean a real diet, not some 'grapefruit, maple syrup, soybean, standing on your head 30 minutes-a-day while singing the theme song to Charles in Charge, diet' I mean the real ones, the big time ones with TV ads, movie star spokespeople, and everything. They worked. So what went wrong? Well, I could list a thousand excuses and reasons for each, but it really doesn't matter. They wouldn't work for me in the long-run, so here I am, still fat. This is really where this story begins . . . I think. Because the simple truth is that being fat has left me afraid to do just about everything without wondering and worrying how others are perceiving me. Not to say that I've been living like the Unabomber my entire existence, but it's always there, always nagging at me, always reminding me that people see my fat first, and me second. Or so I believe. So tackling this will be my first Quest. In a few weeks, I will be getting the Lap-Band. Call it cheating, call it a permanent solution, call it dangerous, call it the road to recovery, I'm getting it, period. And while a part of me is thrilled with the idea of this new beginning, the other part of me is terrified. Maybe that's my next simple truth to consider . . . Do I live in a different version of fear everyday?