Some Simple Truth . . . about me.

Why call it 'Some Simple Truth'? Well, I suppose because that will be my intention. I won't tell you who I am, or hurt others by using real names, but I will tell you just about everything else. The good, bad, and ugly. Through this I hope to learn about myself and I hope to chronicle the massive changes I am planning on making in my life. I'm tired of waiting for my life to start, and I'm tired of feeling like it may never happen. Though, I'm not sure I have what it takes to complete such a Quest. Change scares me, that's a simple truth.
I also hope that this will become interactive. I hope people will leave comments for me to discuss, but mostly I hope for questions. Ask me anything, ask me the questions you're afraid to ask the women in your life. I'll answer honestly, even if you don't like the answer.

• Some Simple Truth

I'm a single female living in a large, urban, city. I'm in my late 20's and dreading the big 3-0. I know that sounds silly and I know to call 30 'old' is a sign of my naivete, but I am dreading it., but not for the reasons you might think. I don't fear 30 because I feel that 30 is old, I feel that it's a milestone in people's minds, a milestone that I have nothing to show for. I feel like my years have been one gaping hole after another, not necessarily unhappy, just uneventful.
I finished high school, check. I graduated from college, check. I made friends, check. I had boyfriends, check. I joined clubs, check. I got a job, check. I got a dog, check.
So why do I still feel so empty? Is it an inability in me to be satisfied? Is it because I had a plan, but now I don't? Or is it because I let relationships crumble, let friends slip away, got hurt by some of those people and put up walls I can't seem to tear down? Maybe because I don't even use the degree I earned in college and I feel like I'm drifting through my career path?
I honestly don't know, but I do know that I don't want to turn 30 and still feel this way.

• Some Simple Truth

I'm fat. Not the kind of fat you can lose with a week or two at the gym, and not the kind of fat your girlfriend complains about as you roll your eyes thinking, "What fat? Is she insane or just fishing for a compliment?" Really fat. I don't even know why I use that word, 'fat'. It seems so cruel and demeaning, and I'd be mortified if someone said it to my face, but it is the truth. But let me stop you before you start posting diet ideas for me, I've tried them all, honestly I have. I have tried them all, and honestly, they all worked. Yeah, I said it. They worked. Every single one. I never tried a diet and I mean a real diet, not some 'grapefruit, maple syrup, soybean, standing on your head 30 minutes-a-day while singing the theme song to Charles in Charge, diet' I mean the real ones, the big time ones with TV ads, movie star spokespeople, and everything. They worked. So what went wrong? Well, I could list a thousand excuses and reasons for each, but it really doesn't matter. They wouldn't work for me in the long-run, so here I am, still fat. This is really where this story begins . . . I think. Because the simple truth is that being fat has left me afraid to do just about everything without wondering and worrying how others are perceiving me. Not to say that I've been living like the Unabomber my entire existence, but it's always there, always nagging at me, always reminding me that people see my fat first, and me second. Or so I believe. So tackling this will be my first Quest. In a few weeks, I will be getting the Lap-Band. Call it cheating, call it a permanent solution, call it dangerous, call it the road to recovery, I'm getting it, period. And while a part of me is thrilled with the idea of this new beginning, the other part of me is terrified. Maybe that's my next simple truth to consider . . . Do I live in a different version of fear everyday?