Some Simple Truth . . . about Atkins.

Before having the Lap-Band surgery, patients (at least at my Dr.'s office) are required to be on a restricted carb diet in the weeks right before the surgery. My doc explained that the Atkins diet shrinks ones liver, thus making it easier for her to then shove my poor, shrunken, sickly, liver out of her way during surgery. By all means doc, let me suffer in the weeks preceding my surgery & recovery, so it's easier for you to make that $15,000. *Sigh* Don't get me wrong, I get it okay, and I know I should just shut up about it, but some simple truth about a low-carb diet is . . . are you ready? IT SUCKS . . . HARD. Especially for an obese person.

• Some Simple Truth

I used to smoke cigs, a lot. I started right out of high school, went all through college, and only quit last year. Some simple truth? Smoking was awesome. Sorry, I know it's very un-PC to state such a thing, but it was AWESOME. It made a young girl feel sophisticated and older, it made a college girl have an instant circle of smoke-loving friends, it made a career girl able to take lots of breaks. But then the day came that the coughing was worse and I was strangely beginning to lose my voice. I knew then that my days classified in society as a "smoker" were numbered. So, I quit. I was cranky, irritable, had massive headaches, and was constantly 'jonesing' for one, glorious drag. Why am I sharing this tidbit? Because, by DAY 2 of the Atkins torture, I was cranky, irritable, had massive headaches, and was constantly 'jonesing' for one, glorious cupcake. I realized something I had long suspected, but had never really understood. I am addicted to sugar. "Hi, my name is ____ and I'm addicted to baked goods of any kind."

• Some Simple Truth

Eating meat with every meal for weeks on end is practically vomit-inducing. Don't misunderstand, I enjoy meat of every kind. Give me some Filet Mignon, smothered pork chops, juicy kabobs, chicken stuffed with anything . . . or my personal favorite, duck . . . and you've found a way to this fat girls heart. This is not like that. I'm a fairly gifted cook, but I am not the chef at a five-star establishment. My meat dishes are something more likely to be served in a bad cafeteria line. So choking down my sad, little, dishes and the greasy, store-bought, packaged meat, is just not doing it for me. It honestly makes me feel sick after every single meal. Top that with next-to-no available side dishes, and you've got a dangerously unhappy fat girl. (Note: I am known in certain circles for saying that you had best not come between me and my food . . . or I will cut you. Just a friendly warning, eh?) So needless to say, now I'm actually less afraid of the surgery than I am about making it through the days of slow, charbroiled, grilled, mildly-seasoned, torture.

• Some Simple Truth

There is something more important to me than the inconvenience of eating meat non-stop for a few weeks, and that is my Quest. See, some simple truth is that my obese condition makes me afraid to do a lot of things, things I believe I would have the courage to tackle if I wasn't so preoccupied with my outwardly image. Therefore, this surgery has become the first step on my Quest. It will help in my weight-loss pursuit, but the rest will be up to me. Which means I will have to stay off of the sugar bandwagon, just like I have with my cigs, and I will have to find a way to incorporate more protein-packed meat into my daily meals . . . or I will fail in my Quest. So it may SUCK . . . HARD, but I'm ready to live my life again and quit wishing it would start.